Year-Round Christmas Cookies

by Roberta Shugs

Every Chrissmas Eve, I gather the family in the living room for family devotions. Afterwards, I break out my set of gold-leafed hymnals to rejoyce in our Lord’s birth. Then my children set out Chrissmas cookies for Jesis, to signal that while there was no room at the inn, there’s room in *our* house for him, between the table and the side of the couch where we set the cookies!!

We have so much fun deliting in our God that it just breaks my heart to see Chrissmas end, and my dear hubby misses the blessid cookies! Finally, after much prayer and fasting, the Lord put it on my heart to create a recipe for cookies that you can have *any* time of year, no matter where the calendar falls on Jesis’s’s lifespan!

Ingredients:
-- 1 1/2 cups of Splenda, for our bodies are temples
-- 2/3 cup shortening (any brand BUT Proctor & Gamble, because they like to kill babies)
-- 2 tablespoons fresh ram milk from your local farmer’s market
-- 1 handful Devil’s almonds because the kids love em!
-- 1 teaspoon Watkins vanilla (they believe in stopping bilingual education!)
-- 2 REGULAR SIZED eggs (Large or Jumbo eggs are gluttony)
-- 3 1/4 cups Hebrew flower
-- 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder (from Sam’s Club, because they give discounts for full quiver shoppers)
-- 1/2 teaspoon salt, not too much because I bloat.

1. Mix the Splenda and the shortening slowly with your right hand.


2. Slowly add the ram milk, the thicker the better.


3. Beat your eggs and add to the mix. I like to pretend the eggs are the horrible powers of dark and sin, and that my hands are the hands of God, and that I am the eggbeater, through which the channel of God flows his work to banish the evils of the world from my mixing bowl. Don’t forget to remove those eggshells.


4. Add the flower and baking powder. In that order. DO NOT ADD THE SALT AND ALMONDS.


5. Add the salt and almonds! If you added these before the baking powder, don’t worry, just start over.


6. When the dough is mixed, throw it on the counter.


7. Flatten the dough under your Bible by pressing in to the Word.


8. Once the dough is rolled, press a cutter into it. (This is a good time to talk to your kids about the evils of cutting, or premarital sex.)


9. Put them in the oven.


10. Pray for 45-50 minutes.


11. Take them out.
    

These make wonderful decorations for all kinds of holidays! Just a few examples:

Veteran's Day



















Arbor Day














Grandpa's Birthday

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day