Gay People have Ruined My Society!

My son, Absalom, has turned 18 and is ready to leave my home-schooling and go to college!! He says he wishes to major in ballet, and become a famous “showdancer”, just like King David did in the Bible when his wife Abigail wept with joy. Naturally, I want to provide for him the strictest Christian dance education that money can buy. So, this weekend, we loaded up our Caravan and began touring what I thought were the “best” colleges under His Good Name. It turns out I’d been mistaken, as gay sin had already taken its horrible toll on each of the most popular Christian colleges!!!Our first stop was Bob Jones University. My husband has a lot of money, so we were allowed a brief meeting with the President, Stephen Jones. Stephen, unfortunately, informed me that there was no dance school for boys!!!! When I inquired why, he said that having a male dance school attracts homosexuals. I was shocked that urban homosexuals had ruined another fine institution, so I went out to the car, where my son was waiting, shook him until his feet were clean of dirty dust and sped off!


We then headed south, to good ‘ol Baylor University. This is my husband’s alma mater, as he spent more days here than at any other university. On the drive down, my son kept getting antsy. He called his friend Tony, several times to chat, and that seemed to settle him down. He’s such a loyal friend!


When we arrived at Baylor, I had scheduled a meeting with several academic advisors. I brought Absalom along, this time, and cracked a car window for Tamar, his twin sister, who is in discipleship training for becoming a mommy if she gets into her top husband. (Keep praying!!!)


Anyway, those advisors sure weren’t doing a lot for their school’s image!!! After barely meeting with Absalom, they suggested that he would be happier at a SECULAR college. I insisted that Absalom was just as good as any Dance major currently at Baylor. To prove my point, I had Absalom do an impromptu recital for them, fortunately, he was already wearing his leotard. After the recital, the advisors were all smiles and laughter, because Absalom obviously rubbed their souls with the joy of the Lord!! They thanked us for our time, and I left(Absalom had already run out of the room and jumped into the car, with a holy unction.)
I had hoped our next stop would be less unpleasant: Liberty college. I chose it as Absalom’s “safety school”. Absalom has always mentioned that he’d like to go to school in Sunny Virginia, just like the hymn. Also, Tamar likes the steeples. She says they are “purrrdy” and they remind her of dark nights she used to spend on summer vacation fellowshiping with her Uncle Michael in Northern Iowa.


When we got to Liberty College, the tour guide informed us that, despite the fact that they offer a LIBERAL ARTS PROGRAM, they do not offer a dance program!!! When I asked them how they planned to stop theaters from being overrun with gays, the tour guide implied that perhaps MY SON was a gay. I smartly replied that my son had been interested in ballet and jazz dance since he could walk, so there was no chance that his love for dance was because he had decided to be gay.


I was insulted, to say the least, so I hopped back into the car and drove home to good-old non-gay Creston!!! Creston Christian College is always an option, and the news reports that they’ve only had one stabbing, this year, which is an AWESOME improvement. I am praising Jesis for the discernment of His Spirit which led us back to Creston. Absalom keeps working dilegently at his dance, praising Jesis with his body to the jazz tunes of Clay Aiken and Sandy Patti!!!