JESIS HATES CUTTING & IS COMING TO MY PARTY!!!!

As many of you on our prayer list know, our son Absalom had been displaying strange behavior for some time. We were catching him wearing unauthorized hot pants and lip gloss on several different occasions. James and I were so disturbed, we couldn't sleep, not even after our usual ritual of prayer and cookies. Then we decided to buy Absalom a boy kitten, so he would be able to observe the natural and homely tendencies that Jesis put in wildlife. Jesis answered our unspoken prayers, because we found out the next day that our neighbors were selling kittens, as a gentle reminder to their cat about promiscuity!! (Isn't it amazing how quickly Jesis works!)

Absalom named the new kitty Twink, after his favorite dessert! He and Twink would go for walks together, play with treats, and we did not see any shiny lips or legs, Praise Jesis!! Then we were having family movie night, and watching Dr. Phil. I quickly realized that we had encountered another evil, straight from Satan trying to get my son off Jesis's plan! We saw the telltale signs of cutting, which I will share here for other mommies:


1. Long, red scabs on the arms or legs

2. You definitely did not cause your kids scabs

3. They deny they're cutters

NOTE: IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, YOUR CHILD IS A CUTTER!!!

We knew we had to stage an intervention immediately!!! At first, I didn't stage one, although I knew I should and I am still right. First, I naturally chose to take away his cat, for protection. This seemed to do the trick, as the red scabs disappeared soon after. Obviously, the cat was the problem. Our son had obviously become depressed due to the kitten's Siamese heritage and resorted to cutting. "I know the signs all too well," spoke Jesis, by which I mean me. However, my son soon took a job raking briar patches. This must have depressed him, as well, because the cuts on his arms soon reappeared.

So, now, it's an intervention. I've been busy preparing hors d'oeuvres and sending out invitations. I'm known for throwing quite the social soiree, I'm in charge of my church fast-'n-prayer service (the secret is to bring extra buckets in case anybody gets the vomits). I knew that expectations would be high for Absalom's Intervention Party, and I did not want to disappoint Jesis. I made certain that everyone was invited- my church sewing group, my bridge and solemn vows group, my Mothers Against Mothers Driving group. With all of these respected and reserved middle-aged female pinnacles there, I knew Absalom would be moved to fall on his knees and sniff His ground in servitude.

As I write this, the intervention party is growing in my garage. Everyone is here except for Absalom, who usually shows up late. But, I can count on his arrival- it's family movie night, and I told him we were viewing his all-time favorite film, "The Little Mermaid: Christian Edit". Boy, how he chortles for practically the entire 20 minutes of that video!!!

Well, I need to go start the spiritual warfare and pour the Crystal Light (we have two kinds!!). Bye for now, but I'll be back after the fun party to tell you how well it went.