These People Were My Friends, Until I Read Their Blogs

Now, I know, they're going to hell. Here's one from our blogger friends in Pennsylvania:
http://livingafulllife.blogspot.com/

I’m pretty sure your “Amish God” doesn’t want you blogging.



Ann Coulter is so pretty with her plain good looks and independent nose. Why does she feel the need to have some hooker’s picture on her blog.
http://www.anncoulter.com/


This man, who advertises his blog as “from the brother of Christopher Hitchens.”
http://www.smartchristian.com/

He appears to have photographic proof of Rudy Giuliani shaking the hand of George
Washington, a KNOWN LIBERAL!!!



Barbara Curtis at http://mommylife.net wants to come out as a "five star general who decided to become a homosexual". It's also very obvious the fruit of her womb is the product of obestiality:





I’ve seen a lot of blogs sporting a “Jesus Inside” logo.

Naturally, I’m blocking these blogs from my eldest daughter, who is 19. I don’t want anyone inside her before marriage

These Products Are Going to Hell!

I'm not trying to go to hell, like the evil folks at the flagrantly pro-homosexual mommylife.net, so I've come to bring a fierce warning from the Jesus.
Here are the products you should not buy, for the lord has told me:

Tampons

I don't believe in sticking anything in my vagina before marriage.



Spic n' span

I don't believe in any product made out of Spics.



Dell

Things that spontaneously burst into flames can never be of the lord. Except for bushes.



The Flowbee

Only satan would make a vacuum hair cutting system this cruel. My kitten's face has never fully healed.



Roor Flower Vases

These flower vases are atrocious-looking, and they barely work. My son has had one of these in his room for several months. Ever since he got it, all the flowers I've put in it have ended up dead. All this flower-tending is taking its toll on my son- his grades have dropped dramatically.

RELIGIPREDICTIONS

As everyone who reads my blog or the bible is well aware, I am quite the profit. I don't believe in horoscopes, the devil's roulette wheel, so instead I asked God to divine true inspiration for the ther misled religions. Here are my predictions to rescue you from darkness, except for christians:

Muslim: God is going to strangle you with your turban.


Buddhism:
The true christian god will reincarnate you as an evil Jew.


Jew:
Another genocide is in your future.


Catholic:
God will curse you this month by giving all of your altar boys diarrhea.


Hindu:
Your seven arms and mystery red dot will protect you from Jesus' wrath for another month.